The Frustration of Not Being There Yet
I really thought by now I’d have this whole relationship with my inner voice figured out. I imagined myself as this shining beacon of positivity, echoing the scriptures I cherish, radiating self-love and grace. But here I am, still wrestling with that same old critic in my head, and honestly, it’s pretty frustrating.
The journey of faith has brought me some eye-opening revelations, but it’s also made me realize I’m not as far along as I once believed. When that voice chimes in, telling me I’m not good enough, the real shock isn’t just the words themselves; it’s how easily they slip past my defenses. I’ve read all those verses about being loved and being a new creation, yet applying that to my life feels like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
This inner voice is relentless. It doesn’t care that I’ve made progress; it only focuses on my stumbles. On a day when I’ve managed to be kind, show love, and keep my temper in check, one little slip-up, one moment of doubt, and it’s like none of that progress matters. “You’re still the same,” it whispers, and somehow, I find myself believing it, even though I know better.
The struggle to give myself grace is so real. I can see it in others, I can preach it, but when it comes to me? The bar feels impossibly high. I expect perfection, instant transformation, and when that doesn’t happen, the frustration just builds. It’s like I’m running a race where I’m also the judge, jury, and my own harshest critic, never satisfied with how far I’ve come.
I’ve tried to fight this with affirmations, prayer, and scripture, but those old patterns are stubborn. They’ve been part of me for so long, woven into my reactions and thoughts. And here’s the truth I’m wrestling with: changing self-talk isn’t just about adding new, positive words; it’s about unlearning the old ones, which is way more challenging. I’m slowly learning that grace isn’t something you achieve; it’s something you embrace.