In those quiet hours of the night, or during those jarring moments throughout the day, a soft whisper starts to grow louder. It’s that nagging voice of doubt—self-worth as delicate as autumn leaves, crushed underfoot with every step I take. I’ve built a meaningful life: a successful career, a loving family. Yet, woven into this beautiful tapestry of achievements is a frayed patch, a yearning for something I’ve never truly known: the unconditional love of a mother. This isn’t just a battle with the outside world; it’s a struggle with my own reflection. It’s the fight against the mirror that reveals not just your face, but the scars of a childhood marked by absence, where love should have flourished but didn’t. I grapple with the feeling of never being “enough.” Not enough for them, not enough for myself, and in those quiet, vulnerable moments, maybe not enough for God either.
The weight of this feeling is immense, like dragging through life with an invisible chain around my ankle, each step a reminder of what I’ve missed. I often wonder if this emptiness can ever be filled, if the love I offer to others can somehow heal the ache in my heart. But there’s always that persistent fear: will I ever truly be good enough? This struggle takes on a deeper, spiritual layer in my journey of faith. I’ve been taught that God loves unconditionally, yet He feels so distant when i'm drowning in self-doubt. How can I reconcile a loving God with the belief that i'm unworthy of such love? The Bible speaks of a God who intricately weaves me together in the womb, who knows my every thought before it even forms. Yet, a voice inside me questions, “Can this really apply to me?”
Here’s the paradox of my struggles: it’s in wrestling with my worth and love that we often find our deepest connection to the divine. Scripture tells us about a God who showcases His strength through the broken, who seeks out the lost sheep, and who values even the fall of a sparrow. Perhaps, in God’s eyes, my worth isn’t determined by my past or what I lack, but simply by the fact that I am His creation, uniquely loved and cherished.
The journey toward self-acceptance and understanding God’s unconditional love isn’t a straight line. It’s filled with existential moments of self-doubt—like standing on the edge of an abyss, wondering if I’ll ever be caught if I fall. Yet, it’s also about realizing that being “enough” doesn’t mean I have to be perfect, whole, or unscarred; it means embracing my humanity, flaws and all, and being loved despite—and because of—those imperfections. There’s a certain beauty in this struggle, a sacredness in the search. Every time I question my worth, I'm given a chance to hear, maybe for the first time, that I are loved—not for what I do or what I’ve endured, but for who I truly am—a child of the universe, created with purpose, and loved beyond measure. So, when that nagging feeling of never being good enough creeps in, I am going to let it be the fertile ground from which I grow. My journey is leading me to realize that God’s love isn’t about perfection; it’s about being perfectly loved in your imperfections. And perhaps, most importantly, I hope to be surprised to discover that the love I’ve been yearning for has been right in front of me all along—not in what I lack, but in the richness of what is; it’s that gentle whisper within, reminding me that I am enough.